Also.
As of tomorrow, I will have a job and a home. Thank the maker.
Friday, September 26, 2008
Starting an entry after how long and intense that last one was...it almost seems futile and fleeting. Maybe it says something about my life. Maybe it says something about the world. Who knows.
I think I'll probably make some huge update about how our country is fucked and how we're going to be facing a United Nations constitution within the next 10 years. We will be facing corporate control not only from corporations within our borders, but tentacles from outside. Sure, companies like Bank of America and all of the "made in china" companies have been a part out of lives for a while. But when a corporation (especially a bank) is being bought by one of the most corrupt financial institutions ever for pennies on the dollar...things are fucked. I really am too tired and too frustrated to make a severely in depth entry. But for now, click the two links, read up about the how one monster cannibalizes another. And how one company dies, and helps the appendages of another stretch.
I honestly cannot express how much you need to watch Zeitgeist and Loose Change.
Also. I found out today that I'm going to be an uncle. Next on the entry agenda, why having children is morally incorrect.
Also. I am really disappointed with people. Not really a particular group of people. There's no pattern. There's nothing but static. But for the faces and names that you find in the middle of the static and fuzz. All the things you've said and done...well they hurt. On a even more ambiguous note, all the things you don't say and don't do. Well. I'd be safe saying that they hurt even more.
"Life is a series of callouses, this is just another layer."
I think I'll probably make some huge update about how our country is fucked and how we're going to be facing a United Nations constitution within the next 10 years. We will be facing corporate control not only from corporations within our borders, but tentacles from outside. Sure, companies like Bank of America and all of the "made in china" companies have been a part out of lives for a while. But when a corporation (especially a bank) is being bought by one of the most corrupt financial institutions ever for pennies on the dollar...things are fucked. I really am too tired and too frustrated to make a severely in depth entry. But for now, click the two links, read up about the how one monster cannibalizes another. And how one company dies, and helps the appendages of another stretch.
I honestly cannot express how much you need to watch Zeitgeist and Loose Change.
Also. I found out today that I'm going to be an uncle. Next on the entry agenda, why having children is morally incorrect.
Also. I am really disappointed with people. Not really a particular group of people. There's no pattern. There's nothing but static. But for the faces and names that you find in the middle of the static and fuzz. All the things you've said and done...well they hurt. On a even more ambiguous note, all the things you don't say and don't do. Well. I'd be safe saying that they hurt even more.
"Life is a series of callouses, this is just another layer."
Thursday, September 18, 2008
I've mentioned this to a couple people that I would write this update. So after my 2nd job interview today, I found myself at Mocha Express. Somewhere between Beaverton and Portland, writing it. So strap in and get ready.
This November, I will not be voting. Nor do I condone the act of voting, or any of the candidates.
There have been some interesting figureheads such as Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul. But they had their own issues (mostly Ron Paul being a blatant misogynist and Dennis Kucinich being a peace-will-fix-everything post-modern hippie/yuppie pile. But good lord his wife is hot). But the problem with all of it, is that YOUR VOTE DOES NOT MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I wish it did, truly. I truly wish that this democracy we live in was real and tangible. I wish every ballot cast was one more name for the change-bringing candidate of one's choice. But it's not.
Firstly, we don't live in a democracy.
de·moc·ra·cy
Pronunciation: \di-ˈmä-krə-sē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural de·moc·ra·cies
Etymology: Middle French democratie, from Late Latin democratia, from Greek dēmokratia, from dēmos + -kratia -cracy
Date: 1576
1 a: government by the people ; especially : rule of the majority b: a government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised by them directly or indirectly through a system of representation usually involving periodically held free elections
Read closely. "...in which the supreme power is vest in the people"
The supreme power in this country, IS NOT THE PEOPLE. The supreme power in this country, or should I say, powers, are the corporations. The corporations are the people that make the stuff we by every day. And while you might be thinking, the corporations don't make the laws, they aren't the police, and they don't get elected by me, they do things much more important than all of those things. The corporations control you.
The corporations don't make the laws, the government does. That's absolutely true. But can the upper class of the fiscal population live on a mere $179,000 a year? Of course they can't. They are the leaders of this nation for Christ's sake! How dare they live within middle class means. So how do they exceed their measly $179,000 dollars every year? The corporations fuel them. Bribing you say? Maybe. No one would truly know for sure unless you yourself were being bribed. But these corporations fuel our government through lobbyists, through the funding of bills, candidacy funding, and greatest of all, through the personal agendas of many congressmen (including our president), that have fiscally realated corporate interests of their own.
So how is this relevant? That's where your vote is going. No where. These people are not elected, these people are generations of power-mongers that are a freight train of abuse and sheer animosity to the working class. I'd like to think that reading this far, you aren't an idiot, but just incase you are. It doesn't matter who's voting for who, because Fox is telling you that September 11th was masterminded by Osama BinLaden, a man who Dick Cheney is business partners with. It doesn't fucking matter because we've all gone to theaters and watched 20th Century Fox movies. It doesn't fucking matter because it's more than likely that we've read an owned newspaper, logged into Myspace, and/or have watched American Idol. Who all happen to be owned by one of the most twisted Republicans not directly involved with our government. NewsCorporation penetrates our lives in so many ways we don't even realize it. The next president will not be decided by a campaign ad, by a slogan, or by fucking hope. The next president will be decided by whatever the little box in our living room tells us it should be. And if you ignore it, you can hop on Myspace, read a newspaper, or go watch World Trade Center and feel warm and fuzzy about heroes dying for nothing more than capital gains.
Again. How is this relevant? While you may think your fellow 18-25 year old might be smarter than this. You might think that someone couldn't be influenced so easily, think again. In 2004, only 17% of you people even fucking voted. I don't know how many people have a like-minded thinking of choosing to abstain from voting like myself, but somehow I'm lead to believe that most Starbucks drinking, Marlboro cigarette smoking, meat-eating, McDonald's munching, Nike running, Gap wearing 18-25 year olds didn't give a flying fuck.
So let's say you did. Let's say that you voted for Kerry and your voice was heard, only to be edged out by W himself that fateful evening. Or let's go even further and say you voted for Gore and those goddamned hanging chads stole your vote. We'll examine that.
1.) Kerry would have won the race if 90,000 votes in Ohio had been counted and not thrown out. Instead, he threw out his chance to become your democratic savior and gave the election to his former secret society brother, George Bush. So ask yourself, why would your Democratic Jesus Christ simply give away his win to his supposed bane?
2.) Gore won. Over half a million people chose Gore over Bush. And due to the bullshit electoral college system, he was cheated out of it. Furthermore, the supreme court looked upon the recount situation in Florida and essentially said, "we project that Bush won these counties, so we're going to give the state to him". And you may ask yourself, "How could the Supreme Court, the highest, most thorough, and most just court in all of the land, make a decision like that?" They cite the 14th amendment in reference to due process being unachievable by December 12th, 2000. So let's recap, instead of recounting the counties that Gore could have won (he already won over 500,000 people across the country over Bush), they gave them to Bush because it would take too long to recount.
Now, let's recap the past 8 years of electoral history.
Let's say you love the electoral college system ("The Electoral College consists of 538 popularly elected representatives who formally select the President"), and instead of your voice being heard directly, you love the idea of a group of people casting their 1 in 50 vote for the president. And instead of them being legally bound to cast their vote based upon the popular dictation of the citizens of the state, they, and they alone, formally dictate the next president.
Let's say you love that idea.
The past two Democratic incumbents have both won, and instead of taking up their arms as the people's choice of leadership, they both bowed out within the spotlight of the media. Leaving us under the watchful, intelligent, and aware guidance of George Walker Bush.
You've read this far. You realize that I haven't said a word about the war (please be aware I am far too tired and have spent way to long in this coffee shop to even touch that). Please tell me you see the connections and ties between corporations and their control on us. Please tell me you see how the media shapes and contorts our minds to their likings, while the lawmakers and the highest in our government are swindled into bills and laws that benefit the rich and powerful and disenfranchise the poor and weak. Please tell me you see how corrupt our government us from the top, all the way to the state. Please tell me you see how your vote has been thrown away for the past 8 year (if you even utilized it). And tell me you angry.
Tell me you want things to be different and tell me you are sick and tired of your opinions, your voice, and your needs falling upon deaf ears.
Here's what you do.
Don't vote.
You're probably still thinking, this guy is out of his mind. We have to keep voting because things might change, things could be different. Let me tell you, things aren't changing. We haven't had a chance since 1913. And while you may not be convinced, here's what I propose.
We don't vote.
We. The people of the United States. The citizens. The lower class, the homeless, the wandering, the poor. The middle class. The hard working. The "barely making ends meet" families. WE.
Don't. We abstain from. We don't support them by supporting their game. We don't support their broken system. We don't support the bent politicians. And most of all, we don't support their overruling power.
Vote. We don't vote because we don't want to relinquish our power as citizens. The armies have been raised upon us. The media surrounds us. The powerful try to disembody our collective. The constitution is broken. But we have to resist.
We have to resist because our opinions are powerful, our ability to rule ourselves is apparent, and our hatred for disenfranchisement is real.
If you would like to be a beaten down citizen, if you'd like to throw away your power as an individual, and if you'd like to play their game, become their pawn, and agree with all of their shortcomings. Then by all means. Vote.
But if you'd like to have your voice heard, empower someone around you. Explain and encourage abstaining from voting. Because if no one is playing their game, they have no pawns to throw away. If no one votes, then no one wins. And if no one wins, no one rules. And when no one rules, we can finally rule ourselves.
FInally, I'd like for anyone reading with criticizing in mind, to please understand this. I am not perfect. You probably found my blog, from a link on my Myspace. I am not an example of perfection and there are loopholes in all aspects of my opinions and personal actions. Having a Myspace is not a crime against humanity, nor is it a fantastically awful thing. But understand that this is what you're surrounded with. Corporate control. Above and beyond where you find yourself, you have to remain true to the understanding that in order for humanity to continue, we must be humane. Our choices are real and do reflect upon others and our lives alike. But voting is a game that they want you to play. And if you don't like the way their game is played, you have something much more powerful than a vote. The choice to stop playing.
Obama, McCain, Bush, Kerry, Gore, Clinton, Nixon, Eisenhower, FDR, they all have one thing in common. They're all playing the same game. And the prize that's costed trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and the theft of your votes.
Your fear. Your compliance. Your attention. Your distraction. And your vote.
Watch Zeitgeist and Loose Change for more information on how you've been fucked.
This November, I will not be voting. Nor do I condone the act of voting, or any of the candidates.
There have been some interesting figureheads such as Dennis Kucinich and Ron Paul. But they had their own issues (mostly Ron Paul being a blatant misogynist and Dennis Kucinich being a peace-will-fix-everything post-modern hippie/yuppie pile. But good lord his wife is hot). But the problem with all of it, is that YOUR VOTE DOES NOT MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I wish it did, truly. I truly wish that this democracy we live in was real and tangible. I wish every ballot cast was one more name for the change-bringing candidate of one's choice. But it's not.
Firstly, we don't live in a democracy.
de·moc·ra·cy
Pronunciation: \di-ˈmä-krə-sē\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural de·moc·ra·cies
Etymology: Middle French democratie, from Late Latin democratia, from Greek dēmokratia, from dēmos + -kratia -cracy
Date: 1576
1 a: government by the people ; especially : rule of the majority b: a government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised by them directly or indirectly through a system of representation usually involving periodically held free elections
Read closely. "...in which the supreme power is vest in the people"
The supreme power in this country, IS NOT THE PEOPLE. The supreme power in this country, or should I say, powers, are the corporations. The corporations are the people that make the stuff we by every day. And while you might be thinking, the corporations don't make the laws, they aren't the police, and they don't get elected by me, they do things much more important than all of those things. The corporations control you.
The corporations don't make the laws, the government does. That's absolutely true. But can the upper class of the fiscal population live on a mere $179,000 a year? Of course they can't. They are the leaders of this nation for Christ's sake! How dare they live within middle class means. So how do they exceed their measly $179,000 dollars every year? The corporations fuel them. Bribing you say? Maybe. No one would truly know for sure unless you yourself were being bribed. But these corporations fuel our government through lobbyists, through the funding of bills, candidacy funding, and greatest of all, through the personal agendas of many congressmen (including our president), that have fiscally realated corporate interests of their own.
So how is this relevant? That's where your vote is going. No where. These people are not elected, these people are generations of power-mongers that are a freight train of abuse and sheer animosity to the working class. I'd like to think that reading this far, you aren't an idiot, but just incase you are. It doesn't matter who's voting for who, because Fox is telling you that September 11th was masterminded by Osama BinLaden, a man who Dick Cheney is business partners with. It doesn't fucking matter because we've all gone to theaters and watched 20th Century Fox movies. It doesn't fucking matter because it's more than likely that we've read an owned newspaper, logged into Myspace, and/or have watched American Idol. Who all happen to be owned by one of the most twisted Republicans not directly involved with our government. NewsCorporation penetrates our lives in so many ways we don't even realize it. The next president will not be decided by a campaign ad, by a slogan, or by fucking hope. The next president will be decided by whatever the little box in our living room tells us it should be. And if you ignore it, you can hop on Myspace, read a newspaper, or go watch World Trade Center and feel warm and fuzzy about heroes dying for nothing more than capital gains.
Again. How is this relevant? While you may think your fellow 18-25 year old might be smarter than this. You might think that someone couldn't be influenced so easily, think again. In 2004, only 17% of you people even fucking voted. I don't know how many people have a like-minded thinking of choosing to abstain from voting like myself, but somehow I'm lead to believe that most Starbucks drinking, Marlboro cigarette smoking, meat-eating, McDonald's munching, Nike running, Gap wearing 18-25 year olds didn't give a flying fuck.
So let's say you did. Let's say that you voted for Kerry and your voice was heard, only to be edged out by W himself that fateful evening. Or let's go even further and say you voted for Gore and those goddamned hanging chads stole your vote. We'll examine that.
1.) Kerry would have won the race if 90,000 votes in Ohio had been counted and not thrown out. Instead, he threw out his chance to become your democratic savior and gave the election to his former secret society brother, George Bush. So ask yourself, why would your Democratic Jesus Christ simply give away his win to his supposed bane?
2.) Gore won. Over half a million people chose Gore over Bush. And due to the bullshit electoral college system, he was cheated out of it. Furthermore, the supreme court looked upon the recount situation in Florida and essentially said, "we project that Bush won these counties, so we're going to give the state to him". And you may ask yourself, "How could the Supreme Court, the highest, most thorough, and most just court in all of the land, make a decision like that?" They cite the 14th amendment in reference to due process being unachievable by December 12th, 2000. So let's recap, instead of recounting the counties that Gore could have won (he already won over 500,000 people across the country over Bush), they gave them to Bush because it would take too long to recount.
Now, let's recap the past 8 years of electoral history.
Let's say you love the electoral college system ("The Electoral College consists of 538 popularly elected representatives who formally select the President"), and instead of your voice being heard directly, you love the idea of a group of people casting their 1 in 50 vote for the president. And instead of them being legally bound to cast their vote based upon the popular dictation of the citizens of the state, they, and they alone, formally dictate the next president.
Let's say you love that idea.
The past two Democratic incumbents have both won, and instead of taking up their arms as the people's choice of leadership, they both bowed out within the spotlight of the media. Leaving us under the watchful, intelligent, and aware guidance of George Walker Bush.
You've read this far. You realize that I haven't said a word about the war (please be aware I am far too tired and have spent way to long in this coffee shop to even touch that). Please tell me you see the connections and ties between corporations and their control on us. Please tell me you see how the media shapes and contorts our minds to their likings, while the lawmakers and the highest in our government are swindled into bills and laws that benefit the rich and powerful and disenfranchise the poor and weak. Please tell me you see how corrupt our government us from the top, all the way to the state. Please tell me you see how your vote has been thrown away for the past 8 year (if you even utilized it). And tell me you angry.
Tell me you want things to be different and tell me you are sick and tired of your opinions, your voice, and your needs falling upon deaf ears.
Here's what you do.
Don't vote.
You're probably still thinking, this guy is out of his mind. We have to keep voting because things might change, things could be different. Let me tell you, things aren't changing. We haven't had a chance since 1913. And while you may not be convinced, here's what I propose.
We don't vote.
We. The people of the United States. The citizens. The lower class, the homeless, the wandering, the poor. The middle class. The hard working. The "barely making ends meet" families. WE.
Don't. We abstain from. We don't support them by supporting their game. We don't support their broken system. We don't support the bent politicians. And most of all, we don't support their overruling power.
Vote. We don't vote because we don't want to relinquish our power as citizens. The armies have been raised upon us. The media surrounds us. The powerful try to disembody our collective. The constitution is broken. But we have to resist.
We have to resist because our opinions are powerful, our ability to rule ourselves is apparent, and our hatred for disenfranchisement is real.
If you would like to be a beaten down citizen, if you'd like to throw away your power as an individual, and if you'd like to play their game, become their pawn, and agree with all of their shortcomings. Then by all means. Vote.
But if you'd like to have your voice heard, empower someone around you. Explain and encourage abstaining from voting. Because if no one is playing their game, they have no pawns to throw away. If no one votes, then no one wins. And if no one wins, no one rules. And when no one rules, we can finally rule ourselves.
FInally, I'd like for anyone reading with criticizing in mind, to please understand this. I am not perfect. You probably found my blog, from a link on my Myspace. I am not an example of perfection and there are loopholes in all aspects of my opinions and personal actions. Having a Myspace is not a crime against humanity, nor is it a fantastically awful thing. But understand that this is what you're surrounded with. Corporate control. Above and beyond where you find yourself, you have to remain true to the understanding that in order for humanity to continue, we must be humane. Our choices are real and do reflect upon others and our lives alike. But voting is a game that they want you to play. And if you don't like the way their game is played, you have something much more powerful than a vote. The choice to stop playing.
Obama, McCain, Bush, Kerry, Gore, Clinton, Nixon, Eisenhower, FDR, they all have one thing in common. They're all playing the same game. And the prize that's costed trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and the theft of your votes.
Your fear. Your compliance. Your attention. Your distraction. And your vote.
Watch Zeitgeist and Loose Change for more information on how you've been fucked.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Why Portland is cooler than where you live.
Blossoming Lotus
Voodoo doughnuts
Absurdly bike friendly and alternative transportation friendly.
Cheap rent
Someone pumps your gas for you
Everyone seems to be nice and will say hi when you walk down the street
The fucking Hawthorne district
Broadway Calls
Many people will probably read this and think, "You could find this a million places" or "So what?" Point is, there are many things you can just capture with a camera. There's experience, laughter, sobering reality, and heart-clenching feelings that come with moving to a new city. And since I left, the shitstorm that tried to follow me...well it just made me realize how much I want to be here and how far away I want to be from all of that. That being said, I miss some of you a lot. I hope this blog will maybe catch your interest and make you think, "Hey, maybe I should swing up to Portland to see all of this cool shit and hang out with Jason." At least, that's what I'm hoping it will do.
Blossoming Lotus
Voodoo doughnuts
Absurdly bike friendly and alternative transportation friendly.
Cheap rent
Someone pumps your gas for you
Everyone seems to be nice and will say hi when you walk down the street
The fucking Hawthorne district
Broadway Calls
Many people will probably read this and think, "You could find this a million places" or "So what?" Point is, there are many things you can just capture with a camera. There's experience, laughter, sobering reality, and heart-clenching feelings that come with moving to a new city. And since I left, the shitstorm that tried to follow me...well it just made me realize how much I want to be here and how far away I want to be from all of that. That being said, I miss some of you a lot. I hope this blog will maybe catch your interest and make you think, "Hey, maybe I should swing up to Portland to see all of this cool shit and hang out with Jason." At least, that's what I'm hoping it will do.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Still don't have enough energy to put in the thought of writing an actual update. Here's the shorthand version.
-I don't have a job
-I don't have a home
-I'm working harder than I've ever had to do change that
It sucks. But I know it'll be worth it. The good news is that my band rules. Musically, we're all putting in our best efforts, but I can't remember the last time I've actually felt this good. Songs just flow. We all have an input and get alone really well and it shows a lot in our music. It's a really good blend of a lot of things and I think that while we're rooted in hardcore, there's much more ground to be covered with us. Also. We are going to be the loudest band in Portland. Hands down. We are going to give Tragedy a serious run for their money (in terms of volume because they're the best band ever and we could never be better than them).
Anyway. I can't think of anything else that's important. Oh. I did get a flat tire downtown and got offered a lot of drugs. Nice.
And I hung out with Erica which was alarmingly pleasant. Let's hear it for girls that aren't sketchy!
-I don't have a job
-I don't have a home
-I'm working harder than I've ever had to do change that
It sucks. But I know it'll be worth it. The good news is that my band rules. Musically, we're all putting in our best efforts, but I can't remember the last time I've actually felt this good. Songs just flow. We all have an input and get alone really well and it shows a lot in our music. It's a really good blend of a lot of things and I think that while we're rooted in hardcore, there's much more ground to be covered with us. Also. We are going to be the loudest band in Portland. Hands down. We are going to give Tragedy a serious run for their money (in terms of volume because they're the best band ever and we could never be better than them).
Anyway. I can't think of anything else that's important. Oh. I did get a flat tire downtown and got offered a lot of drugs. Nice.
And I hung out with Erica which was alarmingly pleasant. Let's hear it for girls that aren't sketchy!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Well.
I still don't have a house. I have a home. But no house.
God. I fucking love it here. So much amazing food, and nice people, and the band is perfect. Stuff may need to get sorted out with the lineup, but the backbone is there. And that's all that matters. I feel so good about this decision. I was apprehensive, and I was lonely. But I realized that sorting things out and knowing that being alone isn't wrong or bad. Being alone is just...being alone. I don't have this outlet for romantic emotions and I don't really need one. There are people I miss and there are romantic feelings I wish I could pursue. But being alone is...sort of nice. I know that it's right for me right now. Just being alone and specifically not getting involved with anyone. But for tonight. For the past week as well. It's been nice not thinking about the next time I'll hold somebody, or when somebody will hold me. And I think I'm okay with that. And maybe there are exceptions (Duh. Karen.). But I think I'm okay with that too.
I think this city. These friends. And this new life is the foundation I needed to reestablish.
I don't really want to be anybody's baby anymore.
I still don't have a house. I have a home. But no house.
God. I fucking love it here. So much amazing food, and nice people, and the band is perfect. Stuff may need to get sorted out with the lineup, but the backbone is there. And that's all that matters. I feel so good about this decision. I was apprehensive, and I was lonely. But I realized that sorting things out and knowing that being alone isn't wrong or bad. Being alone is just...being alone. I don't have this outlet for romantic emotions and I don't really need one. There are people I miss and there are romantic feelings I wish I could pursue. But being alone is...sort of nice. I know that it's right for me right now. Just being alone and specifically not getting involved with anyone. But for tonight. For the past week as well. It's been nice not thinking about the next time I'll hold somebody, or when somebody will hold me. And I think I'm okay with that. And maybe there are exceptions (Duh. Karen.). But I think I'm okay with that too.
I think this city. These friends. And this new life is the foundation I needed to reestablish.
I don't really want to be anybody's baby anymore.
Monday, September 8, 2008
So far, myself, Chris, Terry, and Adam have become this quartet of awesome since I've gotten into town. We've been bouncing between different friends, houses, people we meet, trying to sleep on floors until we find a house. Adam's parents, after meeting us and getting to know us better agreed to let us stay until we finalize our house. We went and looked at one on the South Eastern side of town. It's a perfect location, and it's dirt cheap.
I don't even know where to begin describing the past 3 days. It's basically been a non-stop party. We're having our first band practice tomorrow which blows my mind. I'm so happy with everyone and every aspect. It's like talking to myself about what I want to do with music.
I feel like a new person. I feel like what I've been searching for within myself is finally able to come out because there's no old habits. There's no old bullshit. And there's no routine in my way of being anything but who I really am. I'm realizing now how different I was from what I wanted to be. And I'm realizing that this whole experience now, is a reset. And I'm so thankful for it.
I'm almost a week celibate too. I decided that was the first thing I was going to change. I think that getting involved with girls is complicated, fragile, and dangerous. None of which are good characteristics within a situation while you're trying to ground yourself with a new city. I think that avoiding that, and just trying to make friends and not developing a different mentality, should be a really good benefactor to this whole "reset". I know it's only a week. But I'm honestly aiming until the end of the year.
Lastly. I feel like the four of us (Myself, Chris, Terry, and Adam) are so close after barely knowing each other. It just all clicked. It's like we've been doing this friendship thing for years. And we've been doing it for mere days. It's a really good feeling. And I can't be thankful enough.
I don't even know where to begin describing the past 3 days. It's basically been a non-stop party. We're having our first band practice tomorrow which blows my mind. I'm so happy with everyone and every aspect. It's like talking to myself about what I want to do with music.
I feel like a new person. I feel like what I've been searching for within myself is finally able to come out because there's no old habits. There's no old bullshit. And there's no routine in my way of being anything but who I really am. I'm realizing now how different I was from what I wanted to be. And I'm realizing that this whole experience now, is a reset. And I'm so thankful for it.
I'm almost a week celibate too. I decided that was the first thing I was going to change. I think that getting involved with girls is complicated, fragile, and dangerous. None of which are good characteristics within a situation while you're trying to ground yourself with a new city. I think that avoiding that, and just trying to make friends and not developing a different mentality, should be a really good benefactor to this whole "reset". I know it's only a week. But I'm honestly aiming until the end of the year.
Lastly. I feel like the four of us (Myself, Chris, Terry, and Adam) are so close after barely knowing each other. It just all clicked. It's like we've been doing this friendship thing for years. And we've been doing it for mere days. It's a really good feeling. And I can't be thankful enough.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Friday, September 5, 2008
There's something in the air. I can feel a much cooler breeze on the horizon. I can see rain and snow and sleet and hail. And it's all coming for me.
Today is the day I leave Redding for Portland. Today is the official embarking of a new adventure and chapter in my life. Everything that's happened so far has been a tunnel that's been leading to what I've perceived to be light. I'm leaving behind a lot. Namely my family, a few choices friends, and everything comfortable that I've ever known. That all was the first step out of the door onto this journey. This is the second leg and the door shutting behind me.
So if you're reading this thinking "I'm truly going to miss this guy", then thanks for the memories, and visit me soon. Relationships and dynamics can always change and become something equally positive and just different. And if you're thinking "this guy is a copout/sellout/asshole/coward/etc" you're probably right. But the good news is that you can go fuck yourself and never think about me again. Hopefully you won't see me when I visit home. I'm thinking there's a pretty solid number of the latter, so in knowledge of it being widely applicable, I mean it even more.
"Here's to the skinned knees and sutchered hearts. Here's to the unhappy endings and all the false starts."
Today is the day I leave Redding for Portland. Today is the official embarking of a new adventure and chapter in my life. Everything that's happened so far has been a tunnel that's been leading to what I've perceived to be light. I'm leaving behind a lot. Namely my family, a few choices friends, and everything comfortable that I've ever known. That all was the first step out of the door onto this journey. This is the second leg and the door shutting behind me.
So if you're reading this thinking "I'm truly going to miss this guy", then thanks for the memories, and visit me soon. Relationships and dynamics can always change and become something equally positive and just different. And if you're thinking "this guy is a copout/sellout/asshole/coward/etc" you're probably right. But the good news is that you can go fuck yourself and never think about me again. Hopefully you won't see me when I visit home. I'm thinking there's a pretty solid number of the latter, so in knowledge of it being widely applicable, I mean it even more.
"Here's to the skinned knees and sutchered hearts. Here's to the unhappy endings and all the false starts."
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