There's a sense of pride and accomplishment that's been running over me since last night. I feel like since I've moved here, I've adopted this little black cloud that hangs over my head. I'm not sure when it formed, or how to make it go away. But I feel like the part of it that was really bringing me down is at a standstill. There are still many different angles that I need to work and grow throughout. But there's at least a finger in the dam holding back the flood.

I think that there are many things about me I don't understand. There are these ticks that I get where a switch gets turned on or turned off. And I go in and out of feeling certain ways. I don't need to be medicated. But it's been hard coping with it. I've become more apparently "up and down". And I'm not really sure how to make it work in my favor. The only thing I know how to do is to sulk into a dark depth of my own feelings, sinking into it like quicksand. Let the bitter taste of earth enter my lungs and then write. I'm hoping that by teetering so closely to peril that I don't end up becoming overwhelmed on drowning in the sand.

The loneliness has yet to subside. But it's been masked tenfold over with a sense that my mission, my goal, my efforts, my sacrifice, my relentlessness, and my fifth were invested effective. And now that I'm standing here at a monumental plateau, I think I'll just watch the sun set until tomorrow.